The Goodbye Post

There's no point in keeping secrets, especially when there's no one to hide them from. Now that school's ended, along with many relations, I can finally breathe out. I wont mention any specific names, but a lot of people have emotionally crippled me. It's been really hard keeping up this facade with so many people. I'm not one to openly burn bridges, I'd rather let it rot with time and distance. Smiles, greetings, talking, they're all tactics to keep the peace, to make sure everyone else is still happy. A lot of you asked me what was wrong, and I never gave a direct answer. For that I apologize.

But that's all over now.

Bye

This body is leaking with weakness. But shouldn’t that make the body strong? Since all the weak is being leaked. Then all that’d be left is strength or maybe nothing at all. BAH!!
Anyways, today was another ditch day. How fun! Not really. I actually had to go to the doctors for a blood test. They didn’t take out much, about 1 cup, 16 tbsp, or 48 tsp. But it was enough to make me dizzy again, only for a few minutes though. It felt cold those few minutes. The rest of the day was spent sleeping..so much sleep.

Not much time left eh?
Better start letting out truths. Better start resolving things. Gotta make things better before it ends.

Bye

(More from the back pocket)

Give me relief. Give me solace. Let me forget. Remember, I don't hate you, I hate the pleasant memories you evoke. Your ability to cause this bitterness by being so sweet. I'll look at you, turn around, there you are, at the back of my head. How can I make you go away without pushing?
I'll close up.

All of you.

Bye

(From the notepad in my back pocket)

This is so weird. It's almost like...I've really given up this time, like I've accomplished something by doing absolutely nothing. The feeling is so uplifting to not have such a heavy burden anymore. But there is of course that occasional feeling of remorse for my actions (or lack there of). Each time I look back, there's this wild rush of bitter resentment and longing recollection. Ah, these conflicting thoughts again, always making me toss around in bed.
"Have I made the right choices? Is there a turning back?"
For sure, one of the answers is No.
How can I be sure? Is there a quick fix? Or just any type of fix? Is there a reason to fix this? And what is 'this'? Why...?

Bye

Thank goodness it's over.

Bye

I finally donated blood! There were some things that almost prevented me from donating, here are just a few:
- not enough sleep the last night (4 hours)
- didn't really sign up to donate, did a walk in donation
- 104lb frame..they never weighed me!
- if my pulse was any faster, they wouldn't take any

The pain was nothing, I was expecting worse. The real fun happens when the blood is actually being drawn. When the blood bag was half full, I was feeling really dizzy and tired. I was afraid of passing out, so I panic, and get hot. After surviving the donation, I got really cold. Standing up was so hard... People around me say I looked deathly pale (i'll try to find some pictures, 'cause everyone around me took some for fun...) People forced me to lay down and they gave me a paper bag to breathe through! Dunno what else to say, just that people should definitly weigh the required 110lb.

Scrambled eggs never tasted so good..

Bye

Don't really feel like doing homework, so I'll do this instead.

Spring break's over, the last spring break ever (for public school atleast). It was alright, mostly the same routine, but just a little messed up sleeping schedule. Going to bed at 4AM and waking up at 2PM is a great feeling, except on the sunday before school of course.

Let's see, so today I slept at 4AM and woke up at 6:30AM 'cause of school..how fun. 2.5 hours of sleep to fuel me for the entire day wasn't the greatest experience ever.
Today, school was bad. Just got reminded why I hated so many people, kept repeating the old phrase:
Make new friends, but keep the old, one is silver and the other is gold.
Work however was great. It was fun because of the lack of sleep. Turns out, I get really good tips when I don't sleep! (Probably because I don't care what comes out of my mouth at this point: if it's a thought in my head, then it quickly turns into words, no hesitation)
Alright, there's still homework to be done, and I better do it soon 'fore the dreaded drowsiness droops my drained eyes...alliterations ha..draa?

So, are you gold or silver?

Bye